Understanding and Knowledge
When asked about creativity and some of the less-than-obvious choices I made along my journey, I often tell the story of my education. I entered school almost immediately after being discharged from the military, facing a different and unfamiliar world filled with as much fear and frustration as opportunity and beauty. At the time, though, opportunity and beauty were nebulous concepts — the realm of people living different lives and who did not need to concern themselves with paying the rent on a basement apartment, worry about the impending expiration and expensive renewal of their bus pass, or the small matter of deciding what they wanted to do with the rest of their life.
I was weary. Weary of the mind-numbing consistency of military life, of the constant nagging of suppressed emotion, creativity and questions. Now, tasked with being creative for my own survival and charting my own path, I was at a loss. I knew I had to make money. I did not know what I wanted to be when I “grow up” and, until I knew better, I decided to study Economics. If nothing else, I thought I could use the education to make a living.
I remember how strange it was to make the transition from a steady routine in the field to having to solve problems in calculus and statistics in an air-conditioned classroom. The circumstances were as different as I could imagine but the feelings were the same: why am I doing this? and what is the point? And the answers just as similar: because I have to.
I took on odd jobs for pocket money, studied to pass the tests and never even thought about the vastness of the world around me and all that it had to offer to make life meaningful. The creative part of my brain was put to use solving problems others already solved and wanted to see if I could, too. I later came to call it creative slavery.
I often liken the trajectory of my education to that of a firework. In the early days, I had all the potential in me but all I could see was the inside of the launcher, with no concept of what awaited beyond. It wasn’t until I neared the end of my third year that my fuse was lit, and if it were not for one teacher, I may well have been doomed to remain a dud.
With just a high school education, I never believed I could grasp complex mathematics. In my mind then, it had no utility or hold in reality. It all changed when I entered a linear algebra class. The professor, a small and understated person in his thirties, whom I later learned was in his latter days of dying from a malignant cancer, spoke softly from across the hall (I always sat in the back). On that day, though, I actually listened and realized he was not talking about math; he was talking about nothing less than the meaning of life, and he was talking to me. By the middle of the semester I realized I needed to understand linear algebra to understand what calculus was about; and by the end of the class I realized I needed to understand math to understand all other sciences. I scored a perfect 100% on that class and signed up for the next one, with the same professor. I then learned that math, when applied to reality, was as open to interpretation as the most abstract of arts and every bit as beautiful as a sunset on the beach or the Theory of Relativity; and by the end of that class I knew I had gotten more than just equations and numbers and a grasp of science; I got a glimpse into the reasons and meaning of my very existence. Just like that, thanks to one dying young professor, I was out of the chute, hurtling at breakneck speed to learn more.
I was a graduate student by then, and working for the university. I could take any class I wanted tuition-free. My second graduate year in Economics included only two Economics classes. Instead, I signed up for everything that looked remotely interesting: physics, biology, chemistry, astronomy, philosophy, political science, etc. I was introduced to thought and perception on a level I never imagined possible. I could not get enough. In my mind, the connections were forming: the grand story of everything. I was blasting through layers of science and knowledge and ideas and theories, heading towards a great beyond I now knew I could never reach but wanting to get as close as I possibly could.
Since then, I learned to recognize those moments of epiphany and enlightenment, when a connection is made and yet another thing makes sense. Like the firework, it erupts into existence in a magnificent blaze, shedding light on vast tracts of facts that were previously little more than anecdotes, yet also knowing that when pitted against the limitations and deficiencies and realities of human existence, these glorious realizations were doomed to fizzle and fade; yet their brilliance lasts in memory long after the moment gone.
In those moments of intense clarity, at the apex of creativity, it may seem that the only way is down. Still, though there is but one obvious path to follow, the way forward does not have to be obvious nor follow a path. One does not have to spiral back down with the spent vessel. It had served its purpose. There is another way — a way that requires both courage and hope to pursue — a literal leap of faith that requires you to become someone else, someone new, someone better; and leave behind much of what you believed in up to that point. Right there, in the decisive moment, is a crossroads and a post with arrows pointing in all directions, and above them all a sign that reads: “There are two ways to live: you can live as if nothing is a miracle; you can live as if everything is a miracle. –A. Einstein”. You can choose to fall back down to the morass of what you believe reality to be, or you can make your own reality and aspire for more. Whichever one you choose will become as real to you as the other.
When all falls into place, there is no art vs. science; there is no physical vs. spiritual; there is only one thing: everything. And everything can be the most beautiful thing or the most terrible thing you can imagine; whichever one YOU choose. Every scientist is an artist and every artist is a scientist. Not one of us understands it all, but we each have our place in the everything, and we are all inseparable parts of the same whole.
Choose wisely.
Category: Featured, Thoughts and Musings
Great post, Guy! I’m always extra appreciative of those who come into our lives to make sure we’re moving in the direction that we want to be going in.
Thank you for being an inspiration…
brilliant. my education was similar (although it was religion, not military where received my start). my initial undergraduate years were in engineering and it wasn’t until i decided to sample physics, biology, chemistry, astronomy, philosophy etc. that life came into perspective. i graduated as a biologist and am just now becoming obsessed with photography; there couldn’t be a more perfect medium to merge art and science. your perspective is certainly evident in your photography – well written.
I’ve got several intense years of Electrical Engineering and Computer Programming under my belt from UWisc-Madison.
What I remember most isn’t the diff eq’s, matricies, calc, signal transforms, or the beginnings of artificial intelligence programming (LISP). It was African Story Teller, 2D & 3D art forms, and Human Sexuality. All classes that didn’t go towards graduation. Now I make my living in a more right brained oriented existence. Thanks for the history of yourself and your keen thoughts. It’s wonderful to hear about your past.
“You can choose to fall back down to the morass of what you believe reality to be, or you can make your own reality and aspire for more. Whichever one you choose will become as real to you as the other.”
That right there sums up my beliefs and my work. Beautiful. It has touched me deeply.
Too many go through years of education learning facts, formulas and ideas without ever making the connections you refer to. I don’t know if there is a way to teach that so that “getting it” would be guaranteed. I think we either come to it or don’t if and when we are ready but “getting it” is essential to creativity. Clearly you do and it shows in your work.
Thank you for a beautifully told and inspiring story! I am planning and aspiring to my own creative reality. No more of this corporate un-reality! Better late than never.
Love the Einstein quote.
This is just plain beautiful writing, Guy. I love watching/reading you as you develop your skill and talent in this art and craft. And y’know, this piece is considerably more moving and meaningful to me (and surely others) than anything you could ever write about the simplistic details of camera gear or photography itself. Thanks for such moving reading, Guy.
Very inspirational and so well put, Guy! I’ve been through situations like yours and I’m still facing greater challenges ahead, but your words give me hope and the feeling that, even if I’ll fail, everything will be just fine. Thank you!
Very inspiring and relevant to the way I try to think Guy.
It’s the law of attraction. What you believe will become your reality. The Einstein quote hit the nail right on the head. You must choose how to live life, and how to see and percieve the world around you. Always have open eyes and an open mind. Your destiny is in your own hands.
Variables Vs Constant! Love your writing and this is Epic! I almost went back to the moments of my school days too. Thanks for this post Guy!
“Every scientist is an artist and every artist is a scientist.” Keeps me thinking big time. Simply love the depth of your thought – speaks lot about your life experiences for sure. Wanting for more !!
In two days I go back to work. As an educator hoping desperately to spark realizations and build a desire for life/growth in the minds of young adults, I find this essay striking a strong chord with me. It’s unusual for me to agree so wholly with your conclusions, but you’ve made only rock solid points here…there is only that which I would add.
Peace.
Thanks Guy for this great post and heart touching words. Between the lines I can feel the deeply knowledge that you have achieved. I’m now in my early thirties but I feel I’m far away from being there where I want to be. Your post gives me hope, that I will find my path sooner or later.
Stop it Guy, you’re going to force me to quit my perfectly good well-paying contract writing software, and do something I’d actually enjoy!
Bob
http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=why-math-works
Thanks for a well written post from the heart. Posts such as this are the reason I stop by.
Art is the spirit of all life. Let us all promise to seek our gifts that we may share and make our world a better place. Thank you for posting your passion,your insight and your inspiration!
I’m at a cross road…now divorced…turned 50…trying to find my niche again…took to link from DPS to your site…didn’t expect what I read. Thanks for the words of encouragement. I needed it.
On the surface, this sounds like another pretentious ‘I am so deep’ texts.
However, it is nothing like that. It only sounds like that because of the subject matter. The reason it isn’t is simple. This is one of the few good texts on the subject matter.
I am currently a Mathematics student, and you just explained exactly why I chose Maths.
Thanks for an incredibale inspirational article!
I love it when teachers can unlock the desire to learn and discover more. I hope, one day, I’ll be one of them.
Thank you. This reminds me of a physics professor I had. Math and physics were more than tools for him, they also informed his world view in a more “spiritual” sense. He pushed and encouraged me to believe that I was capable of more than I ever imagined. Here’s to great teachers. Cheers.
Thanks for putting what I’ve been feeling for years so eloquently. I graduated my undergrad with a major in geology, minor in physics and enough credits (yet lack of motivation to follow through with paperwork) to also have a fine art degree. So I know exactly what you’re saying “every artist is a scientist…” I have been battling the left brain – right brain battle for a long time and it doesn’t seem to go away. But I think it compliments itself quite nicely too
I am also at a cross road now. I have flipped my life upside down, left an easy, well paying job and I get these moments of overwhelming fear that remind me that this is real. I am working much harder now and it will only get worse but at least I am going after what I always wanted. And my thinking is if it’s easy, then it’s not worth fighting for 
Wonderfully well said. As a side note, there is a weight and power to the words of the dying, your professor used it most wisely – peace to him. Thank you for this post, it carries great impact.
-Jane